Hate Me
by PandaCookie
Summary: Oneshot. Aang and Toph always envisioned having a somewhat perfect life together. But, because Aang is the Avatar, it can never happen. [Taang]


This took me a little longer than it should of. I started one story, and halfway through that story, I started another one, and halfway through that one, I started another one, and so on and so forth. So now, I really do have about ten half-finished stories sitting on my computer, or written down somewhere. I just have to finish all of them...So hopefully, quite a few more stories will get put up by me soon after this one is posted.

We can only hope I don't start another one...

But, on the subject of this particular oneshot, I just wondered, "Well, I always envisioned Aang and Toph living happily ever after (not really though), but what if they were never allowed to be with each other? What if complications arose simply because Aang is the Avatar?" And that thought led me to write an angsty oneshot. Yay.

**Disclaimer: I'm running out of new and exiting ways to tell you that I don't own Avatar all too quickly...**

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_Aang's POV_

Sometimes. I wish I had never fallen in love with her. Or that she had never fallen in love with me. But I realize that if it had never even existed, I would never have found out what true love really is. Or would I? Is it possible that I could have loved someone else if I hadn't been chasing after her? Just like I might have realized that I loved her much earlier if I hadn't been chasing after the first woman I ever thought I loved? Although, even if it had been someone else, it would have turned out exactly the same. The day would still come when I would have to break her heart, as well as my own.

Because, as I have found out, that is just the way it has to be for the Avatar. I had to detach myself from the rest of the world, in order to keep peace in it. That is the only way. Every single Avatar before me had to do it, and I do, too. I realize this, but I still ask why. Why does it have to be me? And why her? Why did we have to fall in love? Why couldn't she just remain independent, and refuse to return my feelings? Then, at least one of us would be okay.

I would probably still be a wreck, but Toph wouldn't be. She would still be the strong young woman she was all those years ago. That's what really matters to me. I want her to be able to live her life, the way she could when we were younger. When she was so carefree. All she wanted was to be able to live her life without help from anyone else, to prove herself. She wanted to show everyone that she was the greatest earthbender in the world, and not the delicate blind girl that she was raised as. And yet, she also never forgot that she should still be having fun.

It's not like that anymore. I haven't seen her give anyone a genuinely happy smile in months. She deserves much more. So much more than I could ever offer her, no matter how hard I tried. We gave each other our hearts. But why? She was a beautiful young woman, strong and fiercely independent. So why was she so willing to give herself away to me? Why did I let her? I was already aware of the fact that the Avatar was doomed to a life of solitude, free from worldly attachments. I knew that I could never change that, no matter how much I loved her. So why did I spend so much time with her? Why did I lie when she asked me if I would stay with her forever? Why did I take her heart, only to send it crashing down?

I never wanted to be the Avatar. I never asked for it. But I got it anyway. I often wish that I could have been born as a normal person, and that I could have given her my unconditional love, without having to take it back. We could have been like all the couples that pass me by most every day. Whether they're walking through the grassy fields of the Earth Kingdom, the sunny roads of the Fire Nation, or the icy nights of the Water Tribes, it's all the same to me. They seem to be everywhere I go, laughing and holding hands and saying how they love each other. I feel as though they're mocking me, because I can never have what they have.

The pain I already feel deep in my heart multiplies tenfold every time I see a young man wrap his arm around a woman's waist and pull her closer to him, and when the woman blushes and giggles, I have to look away, choking on my jealousy. I'm consumed by the memories of when the woman I loved was like that. She used to smile and laugh and love, and I did, too. But now, she's a broken soul.

Now, her smiles are cracked, and her laughter is fake. She spends all day concealing her pain, but I've seen her let the tears fall at night. Her blind eyes seem so empty, and her soul cries out to me. I hate seeing her like this, living through that torture every day, and I can never forgive myself for doing it to her. It's entirely my fault, yet she has it so much worse than me. Living in that hell has made her skin much paler, and her long black hair so limp. She's a great deal thinner than she should be, and she's in eternally bad health. I'm the reason she's dying inside, and I wish it would just stop. I wish she could come out of the bleak world she live in, and feel the sunshine again. I wish she would just let it all go, and forget how she could ever love someone like me.

I wish she would just hate me.

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Yes, I did name this story after the song by Blue October. I got the inspiration for it while listening to it so I figured, why not? 

Review, pweeze!


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